Jumping or Falling?
by jomathews
Summary: Bella Swan was utterly depressed and heart broken after Edward and the Cullen family left.. Bella ended up self harming and resorted to suicide attempt. This starts of where Twilight ends. Better than summary (and regular updates). Please read and review! This does explore some dark themes!
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

I don't know if they knew how much they were hurting me by leaving, I'd like to think that they don't know how much I am suffering from their absence. I guess the horizontal cuts and scars on my arms and thighs weren't enough to bring them back to me. I was going to make vertical cut soon and then I wouldn't have to hurt myself anymore, I wouldn't miss them anymore and I wouldn't feel this pain anymore. He may be enjoying his distractions, but my distractions to often left scars, and blood on the floor.

Esme was the caring mother that I never had. I mean I had rennee but the roles were always reversed, I was always the one taking care of her. But Esme held my hand when I was afraid, cooked me food, and took care of me. I missed her with all my heart, thinking back I like to think that she loved me, or even just cared for me. She probably didn't think of me as more than her son's girlfriend, but that's not how I thought of her. I should have called her mum, but its to late now, and she is gone.

Carlisle was my new father, I still had Charlie whom I loved, but Carlisle like Esme took care of me. I was so lucky to have them in my life, I took them for granted. I was to caught up with him… That I barley even took time to appriceate them both.

Alice, was best friend that I had ever had. Even though _he_ didn't say good bye, Alice could have. If she came back I would promise to go shopping with her. I suppose she had her distractions too, but I needed her! You are supposed to talk to your best friend about break ups, but my best friend went the same way as my lover… and now they were both gone.

Emmett could have made me laugh right now. He would have cacked a joke or Esme's furniture and I would have been able to smile. He was always up to pull a prank on me, or to get me to help him get someone else in his family. He was the big goofy brother that I loved, even though he was so annoying… I still loved him so much.

Jasper was the same as Emmett, he was a little more serious though. He taught me about the Civil war and he tried to teach me some Spanish, but I wasn't too good at that so eventually he gave up. Jasper was not as good at sticking to the diet as the rest of the family, but that never bothered me, and I trusted Jasper, I trusted all of them. I suppose when it comes to them not draining my blood, I still trusted them… When it came to my heart that's now a different story.

Rosalie is the only one who didn't like me, or pretend to like me. And I would be happy to even see her, that's a lie I would be estatic to see her. I think Rosalie and I could have been friends, I didn't understand why she didn't like me, and it wasn't that she didn't like me, she hated me! I never felt any hate towards her, only confusion.

I knew that what I was going to do would hurt many people, I would hurt Charlie, Renee, Phil and…I guess the list wasn't as long as I though or had hoped. Yet the pain they would feel after my departure would be nothing compared to what I felt now. I got up out of the chair I occupied most of the time when I wasn't having night terrors, and at school- since they had gone…I decided that I wanted to go on a drive. I only packed my credit card that accessed all of my savings, a sharp razor blade and my keys I knew what I had to do, and I knew that it had to be now.

I made my way to the frount door where I would say good bye to Charlie forever. He was not there, so I left him a note.

_I am going on a drive dad, maybe to the shopping mall… I don't know yet I just need time to get out of my head. I'll call soon, but Dad I just need to be left alone for now.. Please don't worry I will be fine. See you soon Dad. I love you. Please always remember that._

_-Bella_

I left the note on the coffee table as I headed out to my car. I drove… All I did was drive.

After a few stops for gas and a day or two of driving I had finally reached Seattle. It was a big city with a lot of traffic. I drove myself to the nearest cilff I could find. I would do excactly what Esme was going to do when she had lost everything. I was going to jump. I wouldn't be as lucky as her and receive a vampire family in the future. I wouldn't see my true love agian. I wouldn't be rescued. I was going to jump I had decided.

I stood looking over the edge of the cliff. It wasn't that high maybe 20 meters. It was the best I was going to do in this town. I read somewhere that 10 meters would give you serious injuries, so I estimated 20 meters would be enough to kill me… wouldn't it? I was going to go though with this, as I was about to jump a flash of longing came through me. Longing for my parents, Esme and Carlisle Cullen. Longing for my best friend and sister Alice. Longing for my brothers, Emmett and Jasper. And even loning for Rosalie. Longing for him my love. I hadn't said his name since they left. I took one step closer to the edge. And as I stepped of I whispered.

"Be safe Edward."

I hit the ground, I felt intense pain… Then I felt nothing.

AN: Hello, my name is Silver. I haven't written a fanfiction before. But this story is going to be an alternate new moon book, So this story starts at the end of the first novel (Twilight). I hoped you liked my story and if it is to dark and twisty for you feel free to go and read a different fanfic. I will hopefully be updating every two or three days. So please keep reading. READ, REVIEW, FAVOURITE AND FOLLOW!


	2. Chapter 2

Alice Cullen's point of view:

Our house in Seattle was dark and gloomy. I didn't just mean the weather. Everything these days were sad and gloomy. My attitude, Jaspers attitude, Carlisles attitude, even Emmett's jokes decreased and Esme's warmth dimmed. It was sad watching my whole family suffer because of one of Edwards's hard decisions. This should never have happened… It would never have happened if I saw Jaspers reaction to Bella's paper cut. I know everyone says that it is not my fault, but I know that it is. I could have prevented all this doom and gloom if I just did my one job properly and saw what was going to happen.

Bella was a large absence in all of our lives, Esme and Carlisle had lost a daughter, Emmett and Jasper had lost their little clumsy sister, I had lost my bestest friend and sister, and Edward had lost the love of his life. Yet I felt little to no sympathy for him as he was making choices for Bella that that should have been making together. Except everything that Edward did seemed to be somewhat one sided, as if he always knew what was best for the people that he loved…

"Hello Alice Dear" Esme said as she glided into the lounge room. Wearing her apron as she had obviously been painting up in her studio.

"Hi Mum" I replied to her, Esme isn't my biological mother, but since I couldn't remember anything from my human years, she was the only mother I had ever known. I loved her just as though it was her who had brought me into this world.

"Where is everyone darling?" Esme asked me. Esme is extremely turned off when she paints. She puts everything she is feeling into that one canvas and nothing will distract her… Except maybe Carlisle but he was at work.

"They are all out hunting." I replied with loneliness laced in my voice. Jasper had gone hunting too, he hunted more frequently lately after the almost accident with Bella at her disastrous birthday party. I was un sure if he hunted more often to make up for what could have happened between him and Bella or to make sure anything like that was prevented from happening again- possibly both.

"He didn't call while I was painting did he…?" She said as she came and sat down next to me and hugged me tightly she did this when I was upset.

"No mum, I'm sorry... Edward hasn't called." I said sadness evident in my tone. Not only had Edwards's choices resulted in us loosing Bella, we lost him too. I was now down a brother and a sister. I know this time isn't about me, but I can't help to think about the repercussions that Edwards's choices have left us to deal with. I had no idea where Edward was possibly Brazil, maybe somewhere else, and all I knew is that he was far away and for the time being he wasn't coming back.

"Mum, I miss her." I whispered to Esme, as the little hole in my heart that was wrenched open when we left my sister burned.

"I know darling… We all miss her." Esme replied. She stood up and picked up her battered and aged copy of Anne of Green Gables. I pulled my knees to my chest and stared out the window at the rain and darkness that was everywhere that I looked.

xxxxx

I was still looking out the window what must have been hours later when I was suddenly blinded to the real world and pulled into a vision in my own head.

_Bella was driving her car up to the edge of a cliff that I recognised as one in Seattle. She stopped her car and slowly walked up to the edge of the cliff. After what seemed like an eternity of debating she whispered something and jumped. _

Suddenly I snapped back into reality, and reality was not good. My little sister was going to end her life? Didn't she know how much that this was going to hurt us and Charlie? Did she not care about us at all? No probably not since we just left her… I knew Bella would be sad, but this was not something I would expect from rational Bella…

I had to tell Esme, but I didn't want her to be upset, yet this was out family members life on the line. Who knew how soon she was going to jump?

"We have to get Bella now Esme." I shrieked.

"Did you see something? What happened darling?" Esme replied obviously shocked by my sudden outburst.

"Yes Mum she's going to try to... try to kill herself." I said quietly. My body was now shaking from sobs.

"Oh my beautiful dear Bella." Esme cried out, she ran to the home phone mantled to the wall next to the television.

"Where and when Alice dear?" She said trying to keep her sobs under control as she speed dialled in Carlisle's phone number.

"Seattle... Duffy's cliff face. When? I don't know but sometime soon I feel." I didn't know why I felt it, but I already feared that Esme and I would be to late to save my sisters life.

"Hello Esme my darling." Carlisle gently said into the phone.

"Please Carlisle it's Bella... She is going to jump of Duffy's cliff face…Hurry." Esme said at super speed into the phone threw it into the receiver and ran out of the house at vampire speed, in which I reciprocated and followed on her tail.

xxxxx

We were at Duffy's Cliff face but there was no sign of Bella, only of her 'vintage' red Chevy truck. I could strongly smell Bella as I sped up to reach the cliff edge. What I saw from my view from the edge of the cliff was the most horrible thing I had seen in my whole eternity. I was shocked, and as Esme who I had overtaken on the run here took in the same sight that I was, she let out a heart-wrenching cry. A cry for her daughter, a cry for my sister and a cry for our Bella.

* * *

AN: Hi all, yes it is that time again- another authors note. Thanks so much for the five reviews I didn't think I would get any to be totally honest with you. Look I don't really know where I am exactly going with this story at the moment... I noticed one of the reviews said that they wondered what would have happened if Bella died… I don't know if I am going to kill of Bella just yet (or maybe ever)- as I think there is more emotional turmoil she needs to experience and live through so she becomes a stronger person. I have many directions that I fell I could take with this story, I am not sure which road I will turn down. But I hope you like the story regardless of which idea I take. Please READ and REVIEW (and follow and favourite if you want to keep reading). ~ Silver xx


	3. Chapter 3

Esme Cullen's point of view:

The constant beeping in our house was morbid, the aroma of Bella's lavender, vanilla and strawberry scent filtered thought the house from the make shift hospital room in Carlisle study where she lay. It had been more than two weeks since Alice and I found her mangled body at the bottom of the cliff. We didn't know how long we could leave her on life support before it was time to give up on her, this was not something any of us was willing to do. But as the days progressed it was less and less likely that she was going to be waking up according to Carlisle. This made me terribly sad; the thought of loosing another child was excruciatingly painful.

In Bella's presence, Edward's absence was more and more obvious. In Bella's hospital room after James's attack last year Edward would never leave Bella's side. I missed son just as I missed my daughter Bella.

I slowly made my way into the room in which my darling Bella lay, she was lying there, the once black busies had now dulled to a purple colour. Her broken leg and arm still in the midnight blue casts Carlisle had made for her. Alice and I had cleaned her up so she wasn't covered in blood, and tried to make her feel more comfortable. I took in my surroundings in Carlisles study. There was the make sift hospital bed, Carlisles desk had been slid back into a corner, there books in shelves lining the walls, and there was the floor to sealing glass window. Next to Bella's hospital bed there was two chairs, most of the time there was always someone sitting next to Bella, usually it was myself, I barley left my daughters side, unless it was to hunt, or see Carlisle or my other children. Alice was in here a lot. Jasper came in here as much as he could, because he wasn't to strong with his control yet, Carlisle always joined me in this room when he wasn't working at the hospital, and even Rosalie had been in here once or twice to make sure that Bella wasn't alone. Emmett was sitting in the chair on Bella's right, he had his head in his hand, and his other was clutching Bella's hand. Emmett had always though of Bella like a little sister. Emmett had a younger sister in his previous human life but she passed away at a young age.

"Do you mind if I join you Emmett?" I asked, as I didn't want him to feel like he wasn't able to be alone with Bella.

"Of course not Mum." Emmett replied softly this was quite out of the ordinary for Emmett as his voice usually boomed loudly. "Mum I'm sorry I broke your purple vase this morning… I was trying to collect some flowers to put in here for Bella; but I underestimated how fragile the vase was." He said guiltily. I felt a little bad for scolding him this morning, now that I knew he wasn't just playing throw and catch with the vase. He was just trying to do something nice for Bella considering that she was in such a sad and bleak situation.

"Don't worry darling, I shouldn't have got angry with you." I replied trying to ease his guilt. I didn't want to be another source of pain.

"It's okay Esme, I should have asked first." He replied. Emmett hadn't really come in to visit Bella at first. When I asked Jasper why he said that he felt very guilty for leaving his sister Bella in the first place. I could under stand where he was coming from, none of this would have happened if we had never had let Edward talk us into leaving in the first place.

I could never blame my second son Edward; I knew he was just doing what he though was right for the person that he loved.

But I really think that he did underestimate Bella's affection for him, especially now that we were in this situation. Bella was his first love, just as Carlisle was mine, I knew that I could never leave him even if I thought that it was the right thing to do.

"We should have never left her Mum." Emmett whispered. Sadness was laced though his tone.

"I know darling, we thought that we were doing the right thing for her… But we were wrong for moving." I whispered back an equal amount of sadness in my tone.

Emmett gave Bella's hand a kiss and I kissed my daughters forehead and together we walked out of the make shift hospital room.

xxxxx

We had all organised a hunting trip but I refused to leave Bella at home with no one there, we had left her unprotected enough, I wasn't going to let that happen again… ever.

After a while of planning an idea popped out of Rosalie's head,

"I will stay with Bella." I trusted my daughter not to hurt Bella physically but mentally who knew what would happen, Rosalie was never very loving toward Bella the first time around.

"I know what your thinking, I won't say anything mean… even if she is partially dead and cant hear me." She added, Emmett was wearing his _'maybe this wasn't actually a good idea face'_ Jasper, Alice and Carlisle also wore the same face.

"I trust you Rose, don't worry. If Bella wakes up, please tell her that we love her and call us straight away." I said kindly to my daughter.

"That's not going to happen mum," She added in with a vindictive tone.

"And don't be to loud we don't want to disturb her." Alice added in thoughtfully.

"She's in a coma… Don't we want her to wake up?!" Rosalie screamed. Emmett boomed with laughter, then he took in our shocked faces and realised that now was not the time and this was not the right situation.

"Good bye Rosalie, take care of yourself and Bella." Carlisle sad and hugged his daughter.

"Love you red rose…" Emmett said and trying to be seductive slapped her on the backside.

"Good bye my monkey man" Rosalie purred back at her husband, and then we all took off on our way to hunt as fast as we could with satisfying out thirst in case our darling Bella awoke…

AN: Hi all yes I am bringing you another chapter, this is really just a filler chapter to be honest with you. I have no idea what I am going to do next. I only got two more reviews this time… Do you not like where this story is going? I don't know but I am still going to keep writing it. Please FOLLOW, FAVOURITE, REVIEW AND READ.


	4. Chapter 4

Rosalie Cullen's Point of view:

The chance of Bella waking up- while only I was home with her is slim to none. I know that I come off as a cold person and having Bella in my life and family was not something that I originally wanted. I mean she wasn't that bad but she was annoying, and why anyone would want to give up there human life was beyond me, but she was found how I was… alone and dying. I suppose the journey on how we got there was different, but if I somehow played a part to leaving Bella and leaving her feeling like she only had one option left.

I walked up stairs in to my bedroom, which would be much, more entertaining if my monkey man Emmett was also here… I turned on my TV and started watching Americas next top model. I wondered why I didn't go on, and win this silly human competition.

xxxx

Bella Swan's Point of view:

The darkness that consumed me after jumping of that cliff was easing ever so slightly. Sometimes I would feel a sudden coldness hold my hand, and touch my forehead. It was so dark and deafeningly quite that I was left with my own thoughts. The darkness left me with a lot of time to think about everything that had happened. I didn't have regrets about jumping, it was the only think that I have ever not seriously contemplated after it had happened. The darkness and sadness wallowing inside of me after having been abandoned by those whom I loved still rushed over me. I didn't even need a razor to get that sense of pain anymore. In this black unknown foreign world every cold touch reminded me of them, every think that I thought was imcompasitating and painful, yet I put up a shield. No one should ever know what I feel. No one could know how I feel, not Charlie not the Cullen's. I don't know why I am thinking the way I am because I am obviously dead, no one who jumps of a cliff lives- that just isn't possible?

The blackness that I saw was slowly turning white, was I going towards the light? I thought I had already metaphorically done that when I jumped of the cliff… Esme had jumped of a cliff, and she survived. Maybe I was in the morgue, my heart still faintly beating? Esme jumped of a cliff; she would be so ashamed of me taking the 'easy' way out of this. My own mother, but she took the cowardly way out of my life. Not even stopping to say goodbye. I didn't get a word from her, from any of them. The only thing that I knew that they ever existed at all was the scars up my arms from the pain that they had left behind, when that all decided it was time to explore some other distractions. All l I knew was that my vision was slowly going from black to grey and getting lighter.

xxxx

I could see. I must be in heaven, my ears were foggy and my vision was blurry, like waking up from a good sleep. I looked up at a white ceiling. I couldn't move, I was in so much pain. The pain was agony, I felt like my whole body was bruised. I couldn't be in heaven; if I was in heaven then I wouldn't be hurting. I would see my grandma in heaven. This was unfair; I must have gone to hell. I wouldn't be practically strapped down to a bed in heaven. I stared up to the ceiling not caring in particular what happened to me. I was over life, and living. I couldn't do it anymore. Not with this pain and emptiness.

Authors note: Sorry this is such a short chapter, and it feel like it has been forever since I updated (I had assignments and I went away with some friends). Tomorrow's chapter is going to be super long and will posting about the same time tomorrow. Thanks for reading, (READ AND REVIEW)! From Silver


	5. Chapter 5

Bella Swan's Point of View

The thoughts in my mind were distant; I could recall everything that I wanted too but my memories before the jump had been somewhat blocked from my mind.

My thoughts were dark and centred around escape and sadness; the depression that filled me before my jump over took my senses again. I slowly and painfully sat up, the room I was in looked far from what I had in my mind of heaven. I'm not very religious in any way, but one of my mother's fads was church. So I accompanied her to three weeks worth of Sunday church services. What information I gathered from that short amount of time; I pictured heaven as being… well not a room covered in Bookshelves, and a floor to ceiling glass window like the house of the Cullen's… An ear-piercing squeal erupted from my chest as I thought their family name.

Some one bust through the door to my left, that's the point when I realised I was dreaming it was Rosalie Cullen. She was staring at me with concern in her eyes; it was an emotion I had never seen cross her face. I stared back at her wondering why she would be here. It was probably my mind playing tricks on me and I couldn't make any words form out of my mouth. If Rose was here where was the rest of the Cullen's? I started crying, slowly I feel back down into the bed but before I hit the pillows, hard cold unfamiliar arms that must have belonged to Rosalie caught me. I cried out many tears until my eyes were dry and

I feel into unconsciousness.

Rosalie Cullen's POV

American next top model went to add break. That's when I heard a noise down stairs coming from Isabella's bedroom. I sounded like she was rolling over? Could you do that while in a coma? I don't think so. I stood up and started to make my way out of the room. When I heard an ear-piercing scream from the room where Bella's makeshift hospital room was. I glided down the stairs at vampire speed. I swung open the door to her hospital room and glanced in her direction, I don't know what emotion my eyes glowed with but it seemed to shock Bella. She stared deeply into my eyes for all of about ten seconds the she began to fall from her upright position. In that moment she wasn't some bitch I hated, she was Bella. I ran to catch her before she hit the pillows, she sobbed onto me, much like a small child. For what felt minutes, but according to my watch it was close to two hours, I was there for Bella. I think Esme and Emmett would be impressed at my warm heartedness.

Bella fell back asleep and I pulled my phone out of my pocket and speed dialled Esme. I knew that they all would be completely thrilled that Bella had woken up; the emotional state that she was in would most definitely need some serious work. I saw the sadness in her eyes, in her posture, in her defeated cries. Most people think that I'm a detached cold-hearted bitch. Sure... I am that, but not all the time, I know when enough is enough. Bella was at the point where she had had enough, of everything apparently. I can't imagine what it would be like to try take your own life like Bella and Esme had. Esme finally picked up the phone.

"Rose! Hi, how is everything darling?" Esme questioned with obvious hope laced though her voice.

"It's Bella mum, she woke up!" I whispered into the phone, this time I didn't want to wake Bella as I sat in the chair next to her bed.

"BELLA WOKE UP!" Esme shouted with joy on the other end of the line. "We will finish up here and come home. Please look after her Rose." Esme said with faith in her voice.

"Yes Mum, see you all soon." I said then hung up the phone.

"Bella wake up!" I said as I tapped her repetitively on the shoulder.

Bella woke up looking startled, like she had just woken up into a nightmare instead of the other way around. She stared at me with blank eyes, with a hint or recognition and sadness glinting back at me.

"Bella, I just wanted to know that I don't hate you, I never hated you. I was just jealous of you. I didn't want your life to almost end because of Edwards stupid choices." When I said Edwards name Bella cringed so visibly she looked like she was clutching her chest, and trying to hold herself together or something. I didn't know what to do, so I tried patting her on the head but she flinched away from me. Had I scared her? Bella was never afraid of vampire at the time of Edward and Bella's beginning… much to my utter dismay.

"I wont hurt you Bella." She looked at me dead in the eyes straight after I said this, the pain that was boring into my soul at the look he big brown eyes were giving me was torturing me. It was a look of complete despair. Had our departure hurt her so badly? What did Edward say to her to make her so sad, I thought they would have amicably parted ways, but from the look in her eyes she was hurt.

Bella turned around and lay on her side, facing away from me and out the window into the forest beyond. I didn't know what to do other than wait for the others to get home. Bella was sad and us Cullen's were a visible source of her pain..

xxxxx

Authors Note: Hi all so this chapter was a long time coming, I hope you liked it. Rosalie is a harsh person- but I feel that it is only when she wants to be. Any way, if you liked in and want a new chapter please review! The more reviews the more inspiration that I get to keep writing. Thanks again!

-Silver! x


	6. Chapter 6

Bella Swans point of view:

The feeling of abandonment was running through my veins. I was looking out into the forest as I feel asleep and was sucked back into the darkness that I was used to, and I welcomed it. It was better than the feeling of realising I was with the people that I loved, yet I was not sure that they ever really loved me.

Esme Cullen's point of view:

I was running home with my family on my trail. I wanted to see my beautiful daughter Bella. I knew that we should never have left her in the first place but we did and that was a choice that we had to live with. We had to try to fix what we had done, how we had left her.

We got to the front door and we stopped. We didn't want to wake up Bella by entering the house by what we had called 'Emmett style', which means barging through the door and not worrying about the handle (or the door).

"Bella may be asleep, so try not to be too loud. She is probably not going to trust us right away so we have to try to show her that we can trust her." I whisper to my family.

"Bella is also going to be in a lot of physical pain so we have to respect that as well." Carlisle my love said, he is such a honourable man.

"Okay, lets go in a see Bells!" Emmett whispered loudly.

We all walked in the door with one common goal in mind, to see our Bella.

Bella Swans point of view:

I heard some one barge through the front door, I sat up in my bed, which should have hurt my body, but I didn't feel anything at all. No sadness Edward had left me, no happiness that the Cullen's were back in my life. Nothing. So I did the only thing my body would let me, stare at the bookshelf infront of me.

Bang! Someone had barged their way into the room; I turned to look in that direction. It was Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Jasper. I took in their facial expressions; Emmett was excited, happy just how I remembered him. Esme looked like she was so happy and proud that I was here. Carlisle had a look happiness but also concern laced though his simile. Alice seemed to look how she always looked excited. Finally there was Jasper, he was last, and he looked empty and confused. He was staring directly at me he looked like he was trying to read my mind… Just like _Edward_ did.

I said the name Edward in my mind pain overcame my whole body. I screamed... It felt like my heart was going to explode, the emptiness I needed it. I looked around searching the Cullen's worried faces for the help that I so direly needed. I just kept screaming, as the pain kept hitting my body, like strong waves hit a cliff face. Jasper must have been enduring the pain I felt as he clutched his brain and feel to the floor. I didn't want to hurt Jasper; I didn't ever want to hurt anyone! So I put up my barriers, then I went back to feeling how I usually did. Empty.

"Jasper are you okay?" Alice said as she hugged her husband.

"It's Bella, I was reading her emotions. She's not in a good place Carlisle." Jasper mumbled to his dad, he probably thought I couldn't hear him… I could but I just did care.

"Bella, are you okay?" Esme's loving voice cooed out to me. I couldn't respond, I couldn't say anything. I just stared ahead; I was ignoring my mum, and one of the people I cared most about in the world.

"Bella, are you in pain?" Carlisle questioned me. Was I in pain? At the time of the question I was empty. Since I put up my barriers, or shield if you prefer I felt empty. To answer his question, all I could do was look at the wall in front of me.

"Bella, can you hear us?" Alice my sister wailed. Of course I could hear her, anyone would be able to hear that. So I nodded, I looked at Alice dead in the eye and nodded. Alice looked me in the eye too. I was slowly nodding so she knew that I wasn't brain dead, I could hear what they were saying, but I didn't want to listen to what they had to say.

I loved the Cullen's, my mother, my brothers, my father and my sisters. Yet they had left me, and because of their choice I had made a choice of my own, not to be alive or exist anymore. So if I couldn't be dead… I was going to shut out everything, the people I love and once maybe loved me in return. And all of my emotions, I was going to try to leave behind everything that _he_ said made me human.

Esme Cullen's Point of View:

Bella nodded at Alice when she asked her weather or not she could hear our questions. Bella was hurting, we knew that… Jasper more than any of us. I hated the fact that we were hurting Bella. Now she was like this, a lifeless person that was just sad. She reminded myself of me in my human time. Just before I decided to end my life by jumping of a cliff, just like Bella did. Except at the point of her wake up, the love of her life wasn't at her bedside telling her it would be okay.

"Bella, we are so sorry for leaving you. Please Bella, talk to us! I won't comment on your rosy cheeks for a whole month or pull any pranks on you if you just talk to us, even if it is one sentence." Emmett said from somewhere on my left. We all took a little breath and held it to see what Bella's reply would be, or if we would get one.

We waited and waited till we finally got one.

"You left me, alone, with no one. Bad things happened when you were gone, scary things and the only way I could escape from my own mind was death. Finally you decided to come back in my life when you find me pretty much dead at the bottom of a cliff. That's not love, that's guilt. And I don't want to be your charity case." Bella said, I burst out in tears and hugged her rigid body.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors note: Hi all, thanks for the kind reviews. For the nast review mentioning my 'LOW' review count… I don't really write my stories for fame, I write them for myself and really hope that others enjoy them too. Although I do enjoy positive reviews, so thanks for that! Enjoy! X _J**

Carlisle Cullen's Point Of View:

Bella was asleep, we could tell by her even breathing. I decided our family needed a family meeting. I had no objection to letting Bella hear what we were going to say, but since we could hear her peaceful breathing- I couldn't wake my daughter.

"Okay kids, Bella… She isn't in a good physical condition. And in order for her physical injuries to recover, she needs to be in a better mental condition." I said, in what the kids like to call my 'Doctor Voice'. "Kids Bella doesn't trust us, I think of her as my daughter, and so does Esme. We have to show her that we love her. Its going to be a tough road, but we have to show her that she is worth every second of effort that we will put in to get her back." This I said in my 'Father Voice'.

"Carlisle I'm scared that she is never going to trust us again!" Esme sobbed as she moulded her body into my side. I wrapped my arms around my shaking wife, and gently kissed her on top of her head.

"We can only hope Esme, we can all try our best to get our Bella to trust us again. I'm not saying that this is going to be easy, but we need to try." I replied to Esme, putting as much confodance in my voice as I could, to try to comfort Esme.

"What should we do Carlisle?" Emmett questioned me. Emmett said as his eyes looked directly in to mine, with as much seriousness as they could muster.

"First we should always be gentle with Bella, be paitent and show her that no matter what she says and tells us we will not leave her." I explained to Emmett. I knew no one would purposely hurt Bella, but Emmett tends to forget that she's only human, and in return- somewhat breakable.

"We all have to try to get her better. I want my sister back!" Alice cried, the last time that she was this emotional was when we had to leave Bella in the first place. Jasper clutched his wife Alice in his arms and suddenly the room was more relaxed. I knew that it was Jasper, but I was greatful for this, relax alice and Esme. Bother were sobbing and shaking with tears that they could never cry.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPP" Bella Cried from her room, there was kicking and screaming coming from her bed, what was going on? We all ran vampire speed as fast as we could to her bed. She seemed to be asleep and having a night terror. She was crying our and flailing her arms and legs all over the place. I walked up to where Bella lay, her scarred arms, her broken bones, her bruised and battered body, and gently shook her.

"Bella please wake up Darling!" I say similtainously shaking her awake.

"Dad? Carlisle. Please never leave me again." She whispers to me and sinks into my chest, Esme comes and hugs the two of us, and we all gather around Bella's bedside as she falls asleep.

Did this mean Bella forgave us?

**Authors note: Hi everyone this was another filler chapter, what do you think? Has Bella forgiven the Cullens? And answering the question you are probably all wondering WHERE IS EDWARD? I guess we will have to wait and find out.**


	8. Chapter 8

AUTORS NOTE:Reposting this chapter hopefully with out all the random coding in front of every line. Thanks for reading! xx

Us Cullen's were all sitting around Bella's bed, she was again asleep. In a jumper and some track pants that Alice dressed her in when she first got here. We all knew how Bella liked privacy and to be independent. So Alice had promised the unconscious Bella that she would be careful and not look at Bella… Jasper said she was trying to comfort Bella in case she could hear Alice.

I was holding Bella's hand and she was asleep. Two weeks of torture had past, Bella hadn't talked to anyone for fourteen days, she just stared at the wall. Jasper and Carlisle described her as Catatonic. I didn't get what Bella's feelings had to do with cats and tonic? But I wasn't going to make this situation more stressful by arguing my smart point.

I hated seeing Bella this way, my sister in my human life was younger than me and I cared about her more than anything else. Sweet innocent little Jane. She sort of resembled Bella in the looks department. She had shoulder length brown hair and big brown eyes… She wasn't as clumsy as Bella that's for sure. Leaving Jane was the hardest part of becoming a vampire.

I was holding Bella's left hand and Esme was holding her right. We were all sitting with Bella as she was sleeping. Carlisle had been giving Bella Sedatives to sleep otherwise the nightmares would start and then Bella would scream and cry.

I turned Bella's hand over, to inspect what human veins look like, I wasn't going to go all vampire on her… I just wanted to know why veins held a blue look if blood was red? I pulled up the sleeve on her wrist, just a few centimetres, to observe the anatomy of a human... But I was shocked when I saw red and white lines covering ever part of her arm. WHAT WAS THIS? What was this? Did Bella have the plague?

"Carlisle, quick look at Bella's arms! I think she must have the plague, look at all the lines!" I shrieked to Carlisle, but he looked like he already knew what I was talking about! He didn't really look like he had his 'BELLA MAY HAVE THE PLAGUE' face on, well I had never seen that face, but I assumed that I would look a little less calm… Even for Carlisle, or maybe he should be called Calm-isle because he never seems to anxious -except since Bella has been hurt, or Esme is sad.

"It's not the plague Emmett." I was confused at Carlisle's voice, he didn't really seem like he wanted to give out any more information on the subject… Bella may have the plague; this was no time to with hold important information.

I looked around the room and everyone, besides Carlisle mirrored the same confused and worried look my own face probably held.

"What is this Carlisle? What is on her arms?" I asked him, now getting edgy. Had Bella done this to her self? How could she do that... Why would she do that?

"They are cuts and scars. I can't be sure, but the location and the depth suggests that they are self inflicted wounds." Carlisle replied back to me. Everyone in the room gasped.

"It must have been bad when we left, this is all my fault isn't it?" Sexy Rose asked."How could this possibly be your fault Rose?" Esme asked Rosalie, although Rose never spoke it out loud, she thought of Carlisle as a father, and Esme as a mother. She loved the family, and although she could be a bit vicious, she never wanted to disappoint her parents.

"I was mean to her, this was my fault! I was my bitchy self to her, and then she cut her self, tried to kill herself and she ended up here, almost at her end because we left her. I tried nothing to stop us all from leaving, I was all for it actually. This is all my fault!" Rose dry sobbed. This was not Rosie's fault; this could never be her fault. We all played a part in our departure from Bella's life, a part I would decline now knowing the outcome.

"If anyone is at fault here, it is me. I almost attacked Bella on her birthday, all because of a silly paper cut! I could have killed her because she innocently slit her finger on a birthday present. It was my fault that Edward thought she was endangered by us. Don't blame yourself Rosalie. Blame me!" Jasper shouted. "I'm the reason she felt so alone she needed to 'self harm'?"

"It's none of your faults, we could never have foreseen things going this way. We made a choice in the past- to do the right thing by Edward. Now we have realised that this was not the right choice for Bella, we have to try to fix our mistakes. We couldn't have seen this one coming." Esme said. "Believe me, I never wanted to hurt Bella, and I'm sure we were all thinking in Bella's best intrests when we left. Edward wanted to let Bella live. To have the human life that we all didn't get to finish for one reason or another. We didn't make the right choice for Bella, which is the point we cannot choose what happens in her life. We just have to support her, and try to guide her in the right path. This was not your fault Jasper, or yours Rose. We just have to help Bella heal. And protect her with our lives, as best we can. Thats what family is for." Esme said, this was another one of Esme's famous speeches. Esme as an amazing mother, it was a shame that she would never have kids of her own.

I held Bella's hand again and pulled down her sleeve, so not to seem nosey if she woke up and I was staring at the scars down her arms. We were all silently contemplating what Esme said... about all this not being our faults…

"It's not the Cullen's fault Bella…" Bella mumbled to herself in her sleep. Bella tends to talk in third person when she's asleep. "And its not your fault that you were raped Bella." Bella mumbled again…

"DID BELLA JUST SAY THAT SHE WAS RAPED?!" I said to my family who were also startled at Bella's horrible, filthy and unimaginable words.

Everybody gasped!


	9. Chapter 9

Bella Swan's Point Of View:

I don't know why everything seems so dark, every day. I got what I wanted the Cullen's… But everything in my mind seemed so dark, lonely… absent.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I have my mother back, my father back, my brothers back and Alice and Rose too… yet my heart is breaking every second. It hurts to breathe. I can't let anyone into my life, even the people that I love. How am I going to be able to go on with this darkness inside of me?

If _he_ thought that he didn't have a soul? Is this how he felt? Because I feel lifeless, soulless even, and I don't know why. Had I decided to let the Cullen's back into my life? I wanted to let them back in but how could I? With my mind jumbled up and my heart feeling dead.

I opened my eyes, to Emmett sitting next to me holding my hand. I wondered if he had seen the cuts on my arms, but I doubted it. I was still staring at the white wall; I couldn't take my eyes of it, no matter how much my brain wanted to.

"Bella, I miss you. Please talk to me!" I could feel Emmett's big eyes piercing the side of my face, suddenly with out warning my eyes turned to look into his. They held pain, pain I was familiar with. Was he sad for me, or sad that I was here?

"Bella, you don't have to talk. But we have all missed you. We want you to know we are going to help you. Everyone is out hunting now. Its only you and me home, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A VIDEO GAME?" Emmett was always asking me if I wanted to play video games. I shook my head, because I didn't want to play a video game. I couldn't bring myself to talk but shaking my head seemed okay?

My arm felt wet? What was going on? I tried to discretely pull up my sleeve. My cuts were covered in antiseptic cream I gasped, did this mean that they all knew what I had done to myself? I looked at Emmett who was looking at the cuts lining my wrist.

Emmett looked up to see me looking at him in shock,

"Don't worry Bells, you're going to be alright now." He pulled my sleeve back over my cuts and down to the base of my wrist. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

"No one blames you for what you did, no one is mad at you either." He was the best brother that I could ever ask for, I wondered if he had a sister in his human life? I wanted to ask him, but when I opened my mouth nothing came out.

I wanted to go to sleep, in Emmett's big comforting arms. I didn't know how to ask, so I patted the spot on the bed next to me, at first he didn't understand my gesture but then he caught on because he got up and sat next to me. I snuggled into Emmett's bear-like chest, it was cold, and remind me of _him._

"Bells?" Emmett asked me. I nodded in response. "Do you hate me?" I shook my head and started to cry.

"I love you big brother." I whispered quietly. To quietly for human ears, but Emmett did hear my shaky voice.

"I love you to little Bells. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again, and that includes yourself." Emmett whispered back to me and stroked my back soothingly as my body vibrated with sobs.

Emmett Cullen's point of view:

Bella had fallen asleep in my arms; my shirt was wet from the many tears that left her body. Although I am almost never serious, yet I know when I have to be- and this was that time.

My little sis Bells had just cried into my chest, sobbed painfully out. Then she talked, with her actual voice, Bella had been mute for weeks, her days consisted of her staring at the wall, eating one meal and sleeping. That's all, she didn't talk, she didn't smile she didn't even nod her head, today I Emmett Cullen broke down those walls. One heroic step at a time, okay maybe that is a bit theatrical even for me. Yet I was proud of Bella, talking and opening up to me, even if it was only a few words, and a nod and shake of the head. I mean al least we had eye contact, and she let me comfort her?

The door opened, I could tell by the sounds of the footsteps that it was Carlisle coming home from his shift at the hospital. He would be happy to know that I had broken down Bella's bridges… To the best of my current ability, maybe I have a future in Psychology maybe I could study that next time that I went to collage.

Authors note:

Hi everyone, Jodie here. Sorry for the short chapter, I am thing of re-scheduling my updates to every week on the same day, and having them be longer, rather than updating every so often with shorter chapters? What do you think? Please read, review, follow and favourite.

Love Always,

Jodie x


	10. Chapter 10

AUTHORS NOTE: Most of my reviews were asking for new chapters every week with more words, I agree with this and should be updating every Wednesday or Thursday (Australian Time). I hope you are all okay with the chapters being around 2000-3000 words long, this is really the best I can do as I have school, homework, cheerleading and a bunch of other excuses.

Thanks,

Jodie x

Bella Swan's Point Of View:

I fell asleep on Emmett's solid large cold body. And I woke up there too, I felt bad monopolising him. Of course he wanted to be with Rosalie- his wife. He didn't want to be stuck here looking after me. I wanted to open up to Emmett, because out of everyone that I knew, he wouldn't make everything serious. I knew that he wouldn't ask questions, he would know how to make the situation light, not as heavy as my mind is.

"Bells are you awake?" Emmett whispered to me. Was I going to answer? What would I say, so I decided to just stay where I was. I heard someone come into the room.

"Hey Rosie" Emmett whispered to Rose, who I assumed was the person who had just entered the room.

"How is she Emmett? I heard Carlisle telling Esme that she was talking to you last night?" Rosalie's melodic voice replied quietly, almost to quite for my ears.

"She was talking in her sleep again." Emmett whispered back to Rosalie. I was talking in my sleep? I hoped I didn't say anything about… about… the thing. I couldn't even bring myself to name the action that took place.

"Did she talk about the rape? Who ever the bastard is, Emmett… I swear I will get him and kill him." When Rosalie said the word Rape, I jumped a bit. I rolled over in Emmett's arms, and hoped that he wouldn't know the difference between me being awake a human's restless sleep.

"Is she awake?" Rosalie questioned Emmett a bit harshly.

"No Rosie, she asleep. She moves in her sleep all the time." Emmett whispered back in a soothing tone.

"I just want her to be okay. When it happened to me, I would have wanted to give up to, my life that is. If my brain wasn't newly changed and intensely focused on revenge." Rosalie said quietly. I didn't expect this, I knew that Rosalie was a harsh person who inside was kind and loving and protective of her family. Yet I never knew that Rosalie had been raped. I think I let a tear leak down my face.

"Is she crying? In her sleep? Can humans do that?" Rosalie asked Emmett.

"Yes of coarse they can, humans can fart in their sleep too." Emmett retorted, I could imagine Rosalie shooting him a quick glare for his crude sense of humour. And I could feel my face heating up. But the tears continued to cascade down my now rosy cheeks.

"She's crying Emmett. What should we do?" Rosalie asked Emmet sounding kind of panicked.

"Should we call Carlisle home? She maybe in pain." Emmett replied, he now sounded worried.

Another person entered the room. The sound of the feet made me think of high heels, because it clicked as the person walked.

"Esme, Bella is crying." Rosalie said, sounding panicked.

"Don't panic Rosalie, Bella's mind is coping the best it can right now." Esme replied in the soft kind tone that she always spoke in.

"What if when Bella gets better, she decides that she doesn't want to live with us anymore. What if she doesn't want to be changed or be a part of our family."? Emmett questioned Esme.

"Bella will always be my daughter, she will always be apart of our family. But if she doesn't want to be changed, or live with us anymore there is nothing we can do. Except hope she comes back to us." Esme spoke softly to her kids

I let another tear slide down my face at Esme's words. Esme thought of me as her daughter? I thought she just saw me as Edward's girlfriend. The needy, clumsy almost as pale as a vampire- human… Was I more than that? I supposed that I was now, the needy, clumsy, and almost as pale as a vampire, scarred, raped, and alone human.

"Can we wake her up now? I really want her to play Call of Duty with me?" That was the big brother Emmett that I knew and loved.

"No Emmett she is sleeping. Let her sleep." Rosalie replied. I had no idea that Rosalie even cared the slightest bit about me. I remembered having a dream when I was in the coma, when I just sat there and cried onto her shoulder. In my dream it felt like she really cared.

Another two pairs of feet made their way into the room. I wondered who that was; the only people that weren't in the room- to my knowledge were Carlisle, Alice and Jasper.

"Hi Emmett. Haha it looks like she thinks you're her teddy bear." Alice chirped. Emmett was very comfortable to lie on, almost like a teddy bear. I felt bad listening to their conversations but I couldn't bring my self to open my eyes, or my mouth.

"Bella feels guilty, and sad." Jasper whispered, quietly and quickly but my human quality hearing some how picked up what he was saying.

"Bella probably feels like she wants to go shopping, but doesn't know it yet." Alice chimed in.

"NO ALICE! She feels like playing Call of Duty with me on the X-box." Emmett added in at a tone louder than a whisper.

"Emmett shut up! Bella is sleeping!" Rosalie loudly whispered to her husband.

"I'm home!" Carlisle called out to his family from where I assumed was the front door. He must have been working at the local hospital… I wonder where we are?

"How was work Darling?" Esme questioned her husband as he to entered the room… My room. I knew if no one else worked out that I wasn't asleep Carlisle would. He was around patients for most of the night at the hospital. I didn't see me fooling him. I tried best I could and evened out my breathing to slow my heart rate down.

"How has she been since I left Emmett?" Carlisle questioned his son.

"She has been boring and asleep. Carlisle can I wake her up to play a video game with her?" Emmett wined.

"No Son, Bella needs her sleep. It's good she is starting to go to sleep with out me having to administer a sedative." Carlisle spoke back to Emmett in a loving tone.

"I have ordered her a king bed of the Internet, as the hospital bed is to small and not designer. I also took it upon my self to buy all bedding necessary. Does anyone disagree to my purchases?" Alice questioned her family. Of course no one replied because everyone in the room knew perfectly well never, ever, to mess with Alice when she had shopping on her mind. "Good." Alice added in when nobody had disagreed with her unnecessary purchase of a bed that I didn't need.

"Is she getting better Carlisle" Jaspers voice rang out, this was the second time that I had heard jaspers voice, since I stupidly got a paper cut. I hope he didn't think that I blamed him for what almost happened. It was my fault for getting a paper cut.

"Physically the bruises have mostly gone, the cuts and grazes have started to scar and her leg… I will be removing the cast tonight or tomorrow so that I can further assess Bella's leg. But it should be fine at this stage. However emotionally, Jasper you should know that better than anyone." Carlisle spoke.

"She isn't going to try to kill herself again is she?" Rosalie asked. Her voice sounded concerned. No one replied to Rosalie's question, because I guess no one knew the answer, not even me.

"I hope not Rosalie." Emmett replied. The fear in his voice was evident. I should probably wake up soon. I didn't want to get caught fake sleeping.

"Bella is going to wake up in 4 minutes." Alice's voice rung out, I guess it was settled that in four minutes I was going to wake up.

"Do you think she is going to talk to us again?" Emmett directed this question at Carlisle I assumed.

"It's hard to know, we will have to be patient, and not pressure her into anything that she doesn't want to do. That means no shopping Alice, and if she doesn't want to play video games with you Emmett don't force her into it. Also no Vampire speed, it can be very shocking to humans. Also, do not touch her, unless it's a hug and make sure that Bella looks okay with it, before you do."

I does that mean that they all know about me being raped. I couldn't handle the looks of pity they were going to be giving me when I 'awoke'. I sat in silence for a while wondering what would happen when I opened my eyes, they would all be in the room staring at me. Waiting for me to say something. I was starting to panic. I was trying to keep even breaths but it was getting harder by the second.

"She's panicking." Jasper spoke in a panicked tone.

I opened my eyes, to see a room full of worried pale white vampires staring at me. For the first time I saw them, for what they really were…. My family.

"Bella how are you feeling sweetheart?" Esme was the first one to break the silence. While I was pretending to be asleep I remembered when she told Emmett and Rosalie that she thought of me like a daughter. I most certainty thought of her as a mum, my mum.

I buried my face in Emmett's shoulder feeling embarrassed that all the attention was directed at me. How was I going to reply to Esme's question?

"I'm alright… Mum." I whispered. I knew that they would be able to hear me. A couple of gasps echoed around the cream walls of the room. I decided to be brave and look up. Esme looked like if she could cry, she would be having sobs of joy. Carlisle was hugging Esme and smiling warmly at me. Rosalie looked disinterested, which made me confused as I just heard her talking about how she cared about me. Alice looked like she had just seen someone that she hadn't seen in years. Jasper looked like he was in less pain that normal, his face held a mellow smile, rather than a frown. And Emmett was still securely hugging me and grinning a big goofy grin down at me.

I didn't know what to say, what to do. I could feel everyone's eyes boring into the back of my head.

"Do you mind if I take of your cast Bella?" Carlisle questioned me in his 'doctor voice', which was an octave lower than his usual voice, and held more authority and severity.

I shook my head no. I wanted the bulky thing of my leg, it was uncomfortable but at least is wasn't like when I broke my leg from the James incident… And I had to use crutches. Like I wasn't uncoordinated enough already.

Carlisle got the cast cutter that looked like a menacing saw, but really it just tickled the sensitive dry skin where the cast once was. The cast was a midnight blue colour. Edward loved that colour on me. I felt more pain starting to trickle though my mind, but I stopped it because I knew it would hurt Jasper.

I quickly turned my gaze to Jasper to see if my feelings had affected him. He was worriedly looking in my direction. There was something that I had being meaning to tell Jasper, but my mind couldn't quite place what that thing was.

"I don't blame you Jasper." I whispered to Jasper. Everyone's eyes were flickering from me to Jasper.

"What happened, it wasn't your fault that you were drawn in by my blood. It's normal for you. Not to mention you probably felt everyone else's desire for my blood as well did you ever think about that?" I whispered. Everyone was looking at me. I didn't like this attention.

"Thankyou Bella. We missed you." Jasper replied.

AUTHORS NOTE: I hope this chapter is okay, sorry for the mistakes. Please read and review! The reviews keep me going. xx


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